Childbirth is a defining moment in the lives of mothers. It is a physical, psychological, social, financial and sexual change. This last element is the one we want to focus on so that you can experience a gently postpartum sexuality.
The period of deficiency
As a general rule, the medical team recommends a minimum of six weeks before resuming sexual activities. This six-week period coincides with the obstetrician's follow-up visit, which will confirm that the woman's body is ready to resume her daily activities.
This six-week period not only helps to recover from childbirth or cesarean section, but also allows the woman to find her body anew, that changed since the pregnancy. Although this time is necessary for some fitness, it may also be ideal for a return to intimacy and tenderness. The second parent also experiences a feeling of deficiency, a change of status and often a feeling of helplessness in the postpartum challenge. The key to live this moment smoothly: communication, again and again. Talk about your fears and desires, open the dialogue on this new chapter. Take the opportunity to restore intimacy; embrace, be gentle and patient.
The « first time »
Your first sexual relationship following childbirth (or cesarean section) can be challenging - both for you and your partner.
Do not rush it. Choose a quiet moment, where you will not be disturbed. Obviously, an infant is unpredictable, but a moment after his or her drinking when he has just gone to bed for a nap can be a very good time.
Use a lubricant. Although the woman's body is designed to lubricate naturally, the apprehension of the moment can cause a small stress that will slow down this lubrication or make it insufficient.
Take your time. Start with caresses, inserting a finger before proceeding to complete penetration. It may be that you feel a pinch or a tingling, it's quite normal; your body is recovering from trauma, do not forget it. Pay attention to your body and actively communicate with your partner. By guiding your lover, you will be able to find a rhythm and a position that will be comfortable for you. If the pain does not go away, you can stop the activity or start cuddling again. By having a slow and constant progression, you will find your passion once again and your rhythm in a few sessions.
If you have had a cesarean delivery, your body will react differently. The affected area is not the same, your pain will not be of the same nature. Find a comfortable position, use pillows as needed, and tell your partner of any fear that may hinder your ardor. Be careful not to put pressure on your abdomen and treat this area with infinite softness.
Your work
Your sexuality starts with yourself. It is important that you feel good in your body and your head for a fulfilling sexuality. Although the body you see in the mirror is perhaps no longer the one you were used to, it is yours, and it is this same body that has gone through all the hardships you have faced. That body carried and gave life, love it as much as it deserves [1].
Practice. The vaginal weights will be a great help to regain the upper hand on your fitness. At the hospital you will have had an explanation about the importance of Kegel exercise and you will be instructed to make one hundred a day. To avoid adding an extra task to your already busy days, simply use the weights that will do the work for you while you can go about your daily business.
Motherhood is a precious gift delivered by your body. Take care of it and give it back with a healthy sexual life.
[1] Author's Note: Having experienced childbirth and a difficult physical change, I understand that it’s way easier than done. We must give ourselves the right; the right to be exhausted, the right to be ugly, the right to want to give up everything. However, we must also make the effort to recognize our beauty, recognize our new strengths and take a little love for our child and give it back. It's a long job, but it pays off.