Although nearly 1 in 5 couples are considering changing their sexual exclusivity agreement, the realities of ethical non-monogamy are not always well understood.
Moving from monogamy to non-monogamy is, above all, a paradigm shift that can shake the foundations of a relationship. What was once taken for granted now becomes a matter of choice and debate. Social representations of the couple are accompanied by expectations about how the relationship will develop. We date, then we become a couple, we move in together, and then we start a family. In non-monogamy, these stages are no longer representative of the development of relationships, which are more left to each individual to determine what suits them best. To put it more simply, we move from a three-course meal to a buffet. And at the buffet, we can serve ourselves again and choose something completely different each time.
Many people are drawn to this type of relationship for the freedom it represents. However, it doesn't come without its fair share of discussions to ensure the consent of each member of the polycule (the people in the relationship and their partners). Jealousy is also an emotion that surfaces regularly, even with consent. If you're thinking about opening up your relationship, it's best to take it one step at a time. Give yourself time to regain a sense of balance before introducing new experiences. Novelty raises insecurities, so take care of that.
Before changing your relationship format, it can be helpful to learn more about the non-monogamous community through social media, documentaries, podcasts, and self-help books. Many health professionals, such as sexologists, also specialize in ethical non-monogamy and can guide you through these steps.
Julie-Édith Gauthier, sexologist and psychotherapist
